Sunday, October 11, 2009

Guest Submission: Duncan and Daddy balancing act

While experiencing something common-a blowout diaper, I had an uncommon experience: a blowout diaper on board a plane. Next, I experienced this uncommon experience along with a common experience-turbulence-which amounted to a most interesting combination of common and uncommon experiences.

Aboard a reputable carrier on a short flight from Dallas to Little Rock, Duncan's person began to smell unpleasant. This far into the game it was quite bearable to me, but tolerance among a crowd of airline passengers persuaded me to take immediate action. My assumption was that the reputable airline carrier would have what most bathrooms have-the little diaper changer that is affixed to the wall at a convenient height, providing a flat surface to accomplish a most basic human necessity-the changing of a diaper.

Upon closer study, it was found by the guest submitter that no actual conveniently placed diaper changer was affixed to this particular wall on this reputable airline carrier. Not looking to fault the carrier, nor to make a big to do about nothing-with the realization that I, a bearer of only two children, in a world where many in the developing world have 8, tried to act mature. This attempt at acted maturity was stifled when the plane encountered a patch of turbulence. Possessing many deficiencies in the areas of both maturity and turbulent-diaper-changing, I gave thought to breaking out in perspiration. I stopped and considered. Then I decided to try and be normal and just change him on the top of the toilet seat.

Like a spinning saucer that one could encounter at their local six flags or carnival, i watched my young son spin back and forth on that seat, much like one might imagine the hands of a broken watch spinning to and fro upon a central hinge. Hinged he was not, spinning he was. It was not the type of spin that would induce nausea, but it was a rather appropriate spinning-if spinning be appropriate in turbulent weather at high altitudes-an appropriate baby spinning we experienced aboard this reputable airline carrier.

You can imagine the smattering of the product within Duncan's diaper-but I would like to move on to the next portion of this experience. It was really quite mild, all this spinning baby-ness on toilet seats amidst the turbulent weather. However, I will say, what happened next was more spicy than mild. The turbulence previously encountered was a cream puff compared to this next patch of turbulence-for those of you who remember Mike Tyson's punchout, it would have been like Bald Bull after facing Don Flamenco (let the reader understand). Generally an agile person upon my two feet, I found myself moving first right, then left-first a hand grab, then a knee save, back to the hand grab, alternating pressure from side to side-changing baby in hands, from hand to hand. Eventually the stewardess announced to the entire cabin 'sir, just find a seat'. Little did she know that I had already pinballed myself all the way back to my family, bringing an end to one of the more uncommon experiences surrounding a most common experience.


Meg and Mb said...

hilarious. the complete picture of this even flashed through my head...absolutely hilarious.

Tiffany Dawn said...

awesome. Way to express a memorable experience - common or not! :)

kelly said...

nice one, j.o. :)